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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907672">aftermath</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybemaybenottt/pseuds/maybemaybenottt'>maybemaybenottt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:01:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybemaybenottt/pseuds/maybemaybenottt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie talks to Buck.</p><p>-</p><p>Eddie week day 6 - <em>"I don't think I'm strong enough."</em> + faith<br/><strong>part two to 'heaven's not ready for you.'</strong></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188956</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title is my own. </p><p>This is part two to my day five fic. I would suggest reading that first, but this will likely make sense even if you don't.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
<p></p><div class=""><p>Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of Eddie's life, and here he sits, staring out the window with an ache in his chest.</p></div><div class=""><p>The sky is a particular shade of blue. Like the eyes he used to spend ages looking into. It's familiar. He's reminded of a conversation he had with Christopher, about a week ago.</p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>"You wanna know what I learned from my science book today?"</em>
    </p></div><div class=""><p>
      <em>"What?" Eddie had whispered, staring up at the ceiling and holding him close.</em>
    </p></div></div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>"It said that everything in the universe is made up of these tiny little bits called atoms," Chris said. "Everything. The plants and animals and clouds and stars are all made of these little pieces."</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>"Yeah?"</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>He nodded. "And it said that those atoms never dissapear. They're always around. And even when people die, the atoms in their bodies slowly get sent back out into the universe to make new things."</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Tears burned in Eddie's eyes as he turned his head to look at Christopher. He didn't quite know what to say, so he let Chris continue.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>"So I think...I think Buck is still out there in the world. Even if we can't see him. There are pieces of him in the trees, and the clouds, and the sky."</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It hadn't done much to comfort him that day. In fact, every piece of Buck he then saw around him just made the awful feeling inside of him grow.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But as he sits here now, on a day that was supposed to be full of happiness and love, he lets himself see the good in it too.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I never really believed in this kind of stuff, you know," he says out loud. "A higher power, signs from the universe. Any of it. But it feels...different now." <em>Now that there's a chance you might be out there somewhere.</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing, saying this out loud. I guess I just...wanted to be with you, in any way I can. Today especially."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Eddie blinks away tears, looking down at the wedding invitation in his hand. When he speaks again, his voice sounds rough.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We were supposed to be getting married today," he says. "We wanted an outdoor wedding, and you said June always has the nicest weather." He looks back out towards the clear blue sky. Feels the soft, warm breeze coming in through the open window. "I guess you were right."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He falls silent again, tears running down his cheeks, and the ache inside him grows.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It's not the nice kind of ache either. Not the excited beat of his heart or nervous butterflies he'd been getting used to just a month ago -no, this ache has claws. It wraps itself around him like barbed wire, squeezing tighter and tighter with each breath he takes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He wants to escape it. But he's afraid that this one feeling is the only thing keeping him together, and if he breaks from its hold, he'll shatter into pieces.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And he doesn't have anyone around to help him pick them up anymore.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Buck, I don't think I can do this without you," he whispers. Hopes that if there's even the slightest chance that Buck is out there, listening, he can hear it. "I don't think I'm strong enough."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Eddie knows that if Buck were here, he'd tell him he had nothing to worry about. That he could do whatever he set his mind to.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But he's not. All there is is silence.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We're trying. Chris and I, we're trying so hard. But everything- everything was so much easier with you here. Better. You made our lives so much better, and now that you're gone, I don't know how to live without it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You told me you wanted me to be happy, but-" He runs a hand through his hair. "I don't think I can be happy without you."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After a moment's silence, he says, "We were supposed to do that together. Get married. Grow our family." He looks down at his hands. "I was supposed to watch you hold our newborn baby for the first time, and pretend not to notice that you were crying when they took their first steps.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We were supposed to fight over stupid things like who's turn it was to do the laundry, or which drawer the salad tongs belonged in. And even after all of that, we were supposed to fall asleep curled up next to each other, because we never stay mad for long.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to have a <em>life</em> together."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>And now we won't get the chance.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The sun reappears from behind a cloud, casting the room in bright light, and Eddie's eyes follow its rays. His gaze catches on something, a corner peeking out from underneath the mattress. When he moves closer to pull it out, he realizes it's a slip of paper.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sitting back on the windowsill, he unfolds it, and his heart clenches in his chest when he sees, at the top of the page in Buck's messy scrawl, '<em>wedding</em><em> vows'</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It feels significant, that he found this right here, right now. Like the sky knew he needed to hear from Buck today, and decided to hand him the one last piece of Buck that he didn't already have.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He blinks away tears and focuses on the writing. The paper flutters slightly in the morning breeze.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>'Eddie,</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>The day is finally here. It's kind of crazy to think that after everything, this is where we ended up.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I mean, I hated you that first day. I really and truly did. If anyone had told me that just a few years later, you'd be the love of my life, I never would've believed it. I don't think anyone would've.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Well, except maybe Bobby. He's always known me a little too well.'</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Eddie laughs weakly at that.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>'But the thing is, you never let me hate you. Even when I was completely awful to you, you were kind to me anyway.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>You've always been like that. Seen me at my worst, and chosen to bring out the best in me despite it. Saw every broken piece of me, and loved me anyway.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I think the moment I realized that, was the moment I knew you were it for me. Because you stay. No matter what. Even when things get hard, even if the world is crumbling around us, you're there to hold my hand.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>You make my life better, just by being in it. Being yourself. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life by your side.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I know they say, in these ceremonies, "til death do us part," but I think I'll keep loving you after that, too. I don't think anything could ever stop me from doing that.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I love you, Eddie Diaz. Thank you for loving me in return.'</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Eddie's not sure how long he spends staring at the paper, but he doesn't want to tear his gaze away. Doesnt want to stop looking at Buck's final words to him. This last fragment of Buck that was left behind. Because after this, all he'll have is memories.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He does, eventually, because he's learnt from experience that the world never stops turning, no matter how much you wish it would.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He looks back up to that familiar blue sky. Whispers, "I love you too," and feels it right down to his bones.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>-</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Five months later, Eddie takes Christopher to visit Buck and place fresh flowers beside his headstone.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Chris spends a few minutes talking, telling stories from school, and of all the things they've been getting up to at home.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When he wanders away for a few moments to pick fresh wildflowers from the area near the pond, Eddie kneels down on the grass.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We miss you," he says. "We always will. But I think-" He looks up at Christopher, leaning down to inspect each flower closely in order to pick the perfect one. "I think we're gonna be okay."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A breeze flutters through the trees above his head, and Eddie swears he hears them whisper back, "<em>I knew you would be."</em></p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://deareddie.tumblr.com/">come chat with me on tumblr! @deareddie</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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